Among the variety of skills that an individual is expected to become good at during their development, few are as important as the ability to effectively communicate. Through communication, we can interact with the world around us, creating a collective consciousness that is far more effective at navigating our complicated reality.
Acceptable communication abilities can be the deciding factor between winning and losing in many areas of life, such as social and interpersonal skills, career and education, family life, and other realms. Despite the common misconception that we cannot change the way we are, practicing awareness of our communication style and taking steps to adjust our habits can have a profound impact on day-to-day life. We can radically alter the ways in which we communicate and cooperate with those around us.
In general, communication patterns fall into 3 broad categories: Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive. By looking out for certain elements of each, and being prepared to adjust our methods, you can begin to use communication to your advantage.
Passive
Passive communicators, as the name would suggest, tend to have a less active input in their dialogue with others. In many cases, body language often gives away the passive communicator, as they tend to exhibit guarded body language, as well as maintaining poor eye contact, and speaking in a soft tone of voice. Additionally, this type of communicator tends to avoid confrontation and apologize for unnecessary reasons. In many ways, they put the needs of others ahead of their own needs, which can lead to them being taken advantage of.
Aggressive
On the other hand, aggressive communicators tend to fall on the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of style. These individuals can be identified by their tendency to interrupt others, speak at a loud volume, or take on an overbearing tone while interacting. Further, they often are disrespectful to the needs of others and often lack the ability to establish compromise through communication. The opposite of passive communicators, people who fit in this category often are the types who attempt to take advantage of others, especially by dominating interaction, through criticizing and humiliating others.
Assertive
Finally, assertive communicators fall somewhere in the middle between aggressive and passive. With this variety, they often reveals confidence in their tone of voice and body language, as well as good eye contact. These individuals will consider their own experience, but they have the capacity to understand and evaluate the feelings and needs of others.
Surprisingly, there may be times where being passive, or even aggressive, is necessary, such as in times where safety is involved. However, in most cases, an assertive communication style is key to accomplishing mutual goals of the speaker and listener.
How To Speak Assertively
To work on speaking more assertively, focus on your tone and body language. Keeping a steady calm tone and attentive body language lets the other person know you are listening. Secondly, stand up for yourself in a way that’s firm and direct without over-explaining or becoming demanding. Look for solutions including compromises and be willing to work with the others to find mutually beneficial outcomes. Lastly, if the other party isn’t willing to compromise or isn’t respecting you during a conversation, don’t be afraid to end the conversation. Doing this shows respect for yourself and demonstrates what you are and are not willing to put up with.
If you tend to be passive, this may feel aggressive at first; similarly, if you tend to be aggressive, this style may feel passive. However, with practice and awareness, you can find balance and enjoy the benefits of a healthier, more balanced communication style.
If you’d like help communicating in a more assertive way,
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