What is the Mental Load?
If you’ve ever had trouble falling asleep, wondering if you forgot to pack your lunch for work, whether or not you swapped the laundry to the dryer, or why you’re the only person in your home who can see the dust on the floor – congrats, you likely carry the dreaded mental load.
Many women feel it – the exhausting, sometimes downright crippling weight of managing what can often feel like all of the responsibilities. Planning, scheduling, balancing a career, shopping, organizing, washing, prepping, meeting children’s needs, meeting a spouse’s needs, trying desperately to meet a need or two of your own – it’s not about the tasks themselves. We could discuss hundreds, maybe thousands, of tasks that need to be addressed regularly. Instead, it emphasizes the emotional responsibility many women experience in thinking about these tasks daily. The mental load is ongoing, often unrecognized and undervalued, and it disproportionately falls on women. We know that women tend to manage the family schedule and complete more hours of household upkeep per week than men. What does this mean for women’s health?
The Impact of Carrying the Mental Load
Why is the mental load so emotionally and mentally exhausting? Simply put, the labor never ends. Each of us have daily goals we would like or need to meet. We aren’t necessarily discussing physical tasks, but instead about cognitive and emotional work that builds up over time. You aren’t just cooking for your family, you’re remembering what items need to be restocked, you’re planning the trip to get said items, you’re mentally taking note of the checking account balance so that the trip can be called a success, only then to begin cooking the meal. When we carry these responsibilities daily, it can lead to burnout, chronic stress, potential resentment toward those we love, and self-esteem challenges. Unfortunately, we are also at higher risk for experiencing anxiety disorders, relationship imbalances, internalized pressure, and depressive symptoms from constantly being “on”.
The never-ending lists and invisible labor can ultimately lead to serious impacts on mental and physical health. If we do nothing with the built up anxiety, pressure, and overwhelming feelings, we can experience burnout, low immunity, and somatic symptoms. It isn’t uncommon for women carrying the mental load to experience gastrointestinal issues, muscle tension, headaches, and high blood pressure. Thus, sometimes leading to long-term emotional and physical health concerns.
How to Lighten the Load
The mental load is impossible to erase, but it can be shared and the associated stress can be better managed. So, what strategies can we implement?
- Make it “visible”: Communicate openly with sources of support, with spouses, with roommates or coworkers about what the mental load is and the impact it has on one’s ability to function. If you’re afraid it may be considered nagging, try to view it as self-advocacy and requesting more equality.
- Stop Delegating: If you are delegating tasks, you still are managing, and that is not relief. Allow others to take responsibility and accountability when possible.
- Support the Mental Bandwidth: Incorporate planners, task-sharing apps, whiteboards, or family calendars so that others may be able to contribute to planning, scheduling, and shuttling.
- Avoid Perfectionism: People-pleasing and perfectionistic tendencies sometimes exacerbate issues associated with carrying the mental load. The good news is, no one has to be perfect. Sometimes trying our best is more than enough.
Relevant Coping Skills
- Deep breathing to regulate your nervous system – inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for a count of 4, and hold again.
- Gratitude journaling to re-center – take an opportunity to self-reflect.
- Seeking support through therapy, friends, community involvement, or religious settings – reduce feelings of isolation and anxiety by utilizing systems of support.
- Establishing boundaries surrounding your responsibilities and where they begin and end – set boundaries with yourself and others regarding expectations and responsibilities.
- Self-care activities – when possible, engage in activities that restore and re-energize
You’re Not Alone
The mental load is real and it’s substantial. It’s not a personal failure but an imbalance within our society. However, if we can normalize these experiences by sharing stories, asking for extra support, and finding ways to redistribute some of the weight, we can feel more productive and less stressed.
So, if you’re worn out and feeling like you’re the only thing keeping your ship afloat, always remember that you are never alone, you’re stronger than you think, and you don’t have to do all of it alone. Let’s work to unlearn the idea that it is your job to always hold it together.
Meet the Author
Moriah Willis, LCMHC
Moriah Willis, LCMHC, is a compassionate and insightful therapist at Women’s Counseling NC who specializes in anxiety, depression, trauma, motherhood, and relationship challenges.
With a warm and collaborative approach, Moriah helps women navigate the emotional weight of daily life, perfectionism, and the often invisible mental load that comes with caregiving and relational roles. Her work is grounded in empathy and empowerment, supporting clients in finding clarity, balance, and self-compassion.
If you’re struggling with hormone-related mental health challenges, reach out today to chat with Lauren about how Women’s Counseling NC can support you.
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