Addiction is a disease that affects the whole family. Every family is different and
has different ways of coping with the addiction. No matter how well the intentions are
family members often move into unhealthy roles to cope with an addict in the family.
These roles often help give the appearance of a healthy family and take the focus off of
the addict. However, these roles typically avoid self-reflection and avoid focusing on the
issue at hand. There are 6 family roles identified and they can be embodied by different
family members. Some people may always fill one role while others may shift between
several family roles. It is important to understand the roles and to identify the effects of
your behaviors to move towards healing.
Addicted Family Member
This person is usually seen as resistant to treatment as they feel their addiction helps
cover deeper family issues. They are often seen as the only one in the family who
needs help and this can cause them to feel frustrated and angry that they are the only
one with a “problem”. As their addiction escalates everyone tends to focus on this
family member and they are blinded to their own involvement in the addiction.
The Caretaker
The caretaker is the family member who tries to keep everyone happy while ignoring the
real issue at hand. This family member can be a parent or it can be a child assuming
this role. The caretaker can be seen as an enabler; they want to prevent breakdowns
and prevent the addict from hitting “rock-bottom”. While trying to help the caretaker
often encourages other family members to fit dysfunctional family roles. By attempting
to keep the family together and hiding the truth the caretaker actually prevents the
family from healing and moving forward. Typically, caretakers suffer from feelings of
fear and inadequacy especially if they blame themselves for the addicts suffering and
behavior.
The Hero
The hero is usually seen as high functioning and well balanced. They help the family
appear as a “normal” happy family. The hero is hard working and often becomes
obsessed with succeeding and demonstrating responsibility. This can lead to high
stress, issues with perfectionism and wanting to be able to control their environment and
all situations.
The Scapegoat
The scapegoat is typically cast aside and blamed for family problems that do not have
anything to do with them. This blame diverts attention away from the addicts’ behaviors.
The scapegoat carries misplaced blame for family problems. They can become defiant
and get into trouble because they have learned that negative attention is better than no
attention. This family member often feels rejected, unloved and isolated from the rest of
the family. As they carry this unjust guilt into their lives, they can become untrusting of
others in their relationships.
The Mascot
The mascot in the family uses their humor and silliness to distract from serious family
issues. They feel immense pressure to make situations less tense. These acts of
silliness come from a place of anxiety. Mascots tend to bend over backwards for others.
They use their humor to put off dealing with pain, fear and to hide their feelings. They
typically have lots of people in their lives who enjoy their company but they still feel
isolated and alone.
The Lost Child
The lost child is the only family role that occurs through inaction. This family member
blends into the background to avoid “rocking the boat” and to remain safe. The lost
child typically feels ignored and neglected though parents may show them off to appear
as a “normal” family since this family member is viewed well behaved and even-keeled.
The lost child is generally a loner and may struggle with social skills and self-esteem.
Family members of an addict often assume a number of these roles trying to help
but instead of helping these roles lead to codependency. This can frequently steer
families to avoid healthy communication and disguise the problem instead of addressing
the issue at hand. Knowing the dysfunction and the role you play can help generate
stronger relationships in your life.
As much as you may want to help the whole family and your loved ones, you
cannot forget to take care of yourself. Starting the healing process can be as simples
as recognizing the roles we play, being open and honest so that the whole family can
heal. If you recognize yourself in one or some of these roles reaching out to a
professional and starting therapy is a great first step. You are not alone in this and there is help.
Women’s Integrative Counseling
Discussing your experiences and teaching you how to successfully move forward is something Lauren Rodgers at Women’s Integrative Counseling strives to achieve. Her ten years of experience and specialty license as an Addiction Specialist has led to wealth of knowledge about family dynamics in addiction and healing. Reach out to us today to help get your family life
back on track.